Letting Go
by Ellivia22
Summary: I couldn't stand watching him suffer anymore. As much as I couldn't stand losing him, I knew I had to let him go. Warning: character death. Hope you like it! R


(A/N: I wrote this story based on personal experience. I lost my sister a couple of months ago and I'm trying to use my writing to get through the grieving process. Anyway, I hope you like it! Please read and review! ~Ellivia22~)

Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately. Just the plot.

I dedicate this story to my sister, Amie. I love you with all my heart and miss you.

******Letting Go**

******By: Ellivia22**

******Zack**

This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to ___my_ brother. This shouldn't have to happen to anyone, but why ___him?_ There is so much good stuff he could've done in this world. He hasn't gotten his Nobel Prize yet. Why didn't it happen to me instead? Unfortunately cancer doesn't care who its victims are.

Cody got diagnosed 4 years ago right after he and Bailey got married. He had just graduated from Yale and was about to go back to get his master's degree. But he had to drop all his plans for the future and go through chemo. We thought everything would go back to normal when he beat the cancer and was clear for two years.

Then right after our 30th birthday and the announcement that Cody and Bailey were going to have a set of twins, he got diagnosed again. The doctor said it was in stage four, the worst kind. I thought my heart stopped that day. It was going to be another long battle. I believed with all my heart that Cody would pull through again just like before.

As the months passed by, Cody got worse. He lost a lot of weight and his beautiful blonde hair, which was starting to grow back started to fall out again. Because we're twins, I could sense the pain he was feeling as it increased day by day. Not once did Cody complain. I admired his bravery.

What hurt the most was watching my little brother suffer and there was nothing I could do to take away his pain.

I would go over to his and Bailey's house every day before and after work to see how he was doing. Depending on how much medicine he was on determined how coherent he was. Most of the time he would just mumble. The only words we could understand was my name, Mom, and Bailey.

I felt so helpless. All I could do was hold his hand and tell him stories of all the crazy stuff we did when we were younger. Then before I would leave I would kiss his forehead, tell him to feel better, and that I loved him. Sometimes if he was coherent enough he would tell me he loved me too. I couldn't help but feel like what I did for him was never enough. I felt as though I had failed him as an older brother.

It was very late, but I couldn't sleep, and even if I could, I didn't want to. I didn't want to miss any news about my brother. Before Cody was released from the hospital a month ago, the doctor said that it could happen at any time. My brother was going to die. A tear rolled down my face. I wasn't ready to lose him. He was all I had.

Another tear rolled down my face as I was lying in my bed in my apartment, my eyes squeezed shut tight. I remembered the last coherent thing Cody said to me: ___I'm ready to die. _It broke my heart. I couldn't believe I was really losing him.

I remembered all those times I wished my brother would disappear, that I was an only child. Now I was getting my wish and I didn't want it. I never wanted it. I've always loved my brother and I always would. No matter what. ___Oh Cody. Please don't leave me_.

My phone vibrated on my pillow, making me open my eyes. My hand shaking, I grabbed my phone. It was a text message from Bailey. ___It's happening_.

My heart shattered into a million pieces. My brother was dying. Quickly I got out of bed and got dressed. I wanted to be there for him while he spent his last moments on this Earth. I wanted to reassure him that everything was going to be okay, and to tell him that I loved him. I wanted to be able to say goodbye.

I reached their house in less than five minutes. I must've ran through three red lights, but I didn't care. My brother needed me and I was going to be there. I rang the doorbell.___This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be-._

Bailey opened the door, dressed in a blue maternity nightgown. Her eyes were swollen and red. "Hey Zack," she said tiredly.

"Hey Bailey." I hugged her tightly, careful to not to hurt the twins. She was due next month. I wished Cody would make it to see their birth. "How is he?" I asked.

"He's hanging in there. I think he's waiting for you."

I entered the house. I heard Cody's harsh breathing from the living room. Mom wasn't by his side, which was strange. Ever since Cody came home from the hospital for the last time she hadn't left his side since. "Where's my mom?" I asked.

"She's talking to your aunt on the phone," Bailey answered quietly. "I'll give you guys some time alone."

I smiled gratefully at her. "Thanks."

I walked into the living room where my brother was resting in his hospital bed. I sat next to my twin and took his hand. His skin was extremely pale, his eyes were shut tight. Extreme pain was on his face. My heart burned. I hated seeing him like this. I didn't care about being the macho one. I let my tears fall.

"Hey buddy," I whispered.

"Zack," Cody moaned.

I wasn't sure if he was out of it or not. I never could tell anymore. It didn't matter whether he could respond to me or not. He had to know that I was there and how much I loved him. I just didn't know how to say goodbye.

"Cody, I'm really proud of you for how brave you've been through this whole situation. You are a lot stronger than I could ever be. I know I've never been good at expressing myself, but I've always been proud of you. I'm sorry I never treated you like I should have. You never deserved any of the things I did to you while we were growing up, and I'm truly deeply sorry." I squeezed my eyes shut, tears coursing down my face.

"I forgive you," Cody said, his voice rich in pain.

My eyes snapped open. Cody's eyes were still closed. His breathing had gotten heavier. I noticed his skin has gone another shade paler. Pure agony was on his face. I couldn't stand to watch him like this any longer. I had to let him go. It would be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do.

I swallowed back a sob. "It's okay, little brother," I whispered, caressing his cheek lightly. "You can let go. I don't want you to suffer anymore. Go to the light-be at peace. I'll see you soon."

A tear fell down Cody's pale face. "Love you, Zack," he whispered faintly.

I leaned over and kissed his cheek gently. "I love you too, Cody, more than you could ever know."

A few moments later his harsh breathing stopped. Almost instantly I felt our twin connection break. He was gone. I kissed his forehead gently. "Goodbye Cody," I whispered. "I love you."

I buried my face in my hands. I had never cried so much in my entire life. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to stop. I felt so lost without my brother. How was I to go on?

I felt arms wrap around me tight. I looked up to see my mother's tear-stained face. I collapsed into her and cried. She stroked my hair lovingly. "Remember what Cody used to say-to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."

I smiled slightly at my mother's words. They were slightly comforting. I closed my eyes. Cody's face crossed my mind, happy, pain free. I was always going to miss him, but I knew deep down in my heart that my brother was in peace. As I clutched onto that thought I knew that I was going to be okay.

******The End**


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